Monday, February 9, 2009

Shower Etiquette

I feel that in this modern world, sometimes we need to remind ourselves of what social etiquette is all about.  Most of it is based on solid ethical ideas about what is right and wrong and what is just plain tacky.

Bridal Showers-
Bridal showers should NEVER be thrown by members of the bride or grooms immediate family.

REASON- a member of the immediate family throwing a shower is tantamount to your brother asking for gifts for you, or your mother telling your friends to give you stuff.

an immediate family member may provide the location or funds to support the shower but should not be the formal host of the event.

HOSTS- invitations should always clearly state who the host of the event is at the top of the invitation, another person may be the recipient of the RSVP.

NEVER! place where you are registered on the invitation
NEVER! insert those cards they give you telling people where you are registered

is on your website or provided to people RSVP'ing to an event by phone or email upon their request.....

NEVER- have a shower with gifts of a different nature presented to you.  i.e. if you are getting married and having a bridal shower the only acceptable registries are those of a honeymoon, domestic, or lingerie nature.  If you plan to have kids soon you can' t ask for kids stuff.  That is what a baby shower is for once you are actually pregnant.  You cannot ask for stuff to pay off your student loan debts.  You should not ask that people pay their way to the wedding by buying items for the wedding itself.

More than one shower is acceptable if thrown by different groups, etc.

Bridal party members of the same sex regardless of the side of the aisle they are on and regardless of their ability to attend must receive invitations to EVERY shower.  Also parents and grandparents again regardless of their ability to attend should also be invited to EVERY shower.

Statements that no gifts are to be received are appropriate where requested on an invitation.  Offers of charity donation in lieu of gifts are marginally acceptable on invitations, but should really be placed on a website instead. 


Yes really, this is the rule.  Same as above, immediate family cannot host the shower and regardless of what sex child you have first last or anywhere in between, it is only appropriate to have one baby shower.  O.k. I mean one baby shower per friend group and only for the first child.
Reasoning- if everyone had a shower for every kid it would be ridiculous.  Showers help you get established with the basics, these are functional regardless of the sex of the child, enough friends without you asking them will provide you with opposite sex gifts if you have a second child of differing gender.

Invitations to showers etc. should really be on paper by formal invitation.  I know, it is the modern era and email rocks, so does saving paper and stamps.  However, this occasion occurs rather infrequently so it is worth paying a few bucks and making formal paper invitations if you can.

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